by Elisabeth Corcoran
Twice in the past several months, I’ve found myself striking a chord with readers. The first time had to do with a four-part series I wrote entitled “The Unraveling of a Christian Marriage: Three Common Questions”. The second time was when I wrote about feeling “Unpursued”. The comments section overflowed.
The resounding message I continue to hear from readers is, “Thank you for making me feel that I’m not alone.”
This is all good and fine. I am honestly deeply thrilled to know that a) anyone even reads what I write (this still shocks me), and b) people resonate with my words.
What I’m not too thrilled about though is that I seem to have painted myself into a corner of being the poster child for the Christian divorcee, the jilted wife, the ignored. That’s no fun. Who wants that as her tagline or on her business card? (“Call me if you’ve just gotten dumped…I’m your girl!”)
So as I sit here today pondering this predicament I may or may not have gotten myself into, I realize that it’s okay if that’s who I represent right now. If the hurting woman is who I echo.
Because a couple years ago, I was writing almost solely about social justice.
And a few years before that, it was all about women’s ministry.
And prior to that, mothering young children.
So what I’m seeing in my life are seasons. Or maybe more accurately, building blocks. Just because I’m divorced doesn’t mean I no longer understand what it means to be married or to care about clean water and orphans or to raise children. I am all of those things and more.
And in a few years, I’ll be in another season. I’ll be a poster child for another thing (only God knows what that thing will be). And, hopefully, my audience will continue to expand as I continue to enfold each season’s lessons into my heart and life and writing along the way.
Elisabeth, thank you so much for affirming that just because a person has moved from one stage of life to another does not mean the person has abandoned all connection to what has passed. As you say, it’s more like adding more things on than slicing old things off.
It’s like a tree with its rings. Just because the tree has grown taller and added more rings does not mean the earlier rings are not there providing support for the tree. It is all part of the same living and growing tree, and it’s when the tree stops adding rings that it dies.*
Here’s what it has looked like for me. My kids may be grown now but that doesn’t mean I don’t remember what it’s like to have a young family, and those experiences not only help me to be a father to my now-grown children but also to minister to young families around me. My wife and I just celebrated our 25th anniversary, but I can still recall our engagement and honeymoon vividly; those experiences from the past help me love her today, and help me to be a mentor and resource for other husbands I know.
The list goes on. And I think that is the point. God brings us through seasons, stages and phases of life so that we grow in him and in our abilitiy to serve those he puts in our lives.
Blessings,
Tim
*I was a camp naturalist and Environmental Studies major in college. Never been called on to use that major professionally, so I might as well get some mileage out of it with cheesy analogies.
Beth,
Thank you for affirming these shifts in focus. I’m the same way and for a while I’d been wondering if it was an indication of a personality or attention problem. But when you phrase it as seasons, it makes sense.
Praying this season moves swiftly for you and glad you have the courage to share it so that others may benefit and not feel alone.
Lara
I went though a pretty lenghty divorce a few years back. It was not my desire to divorce, but because of issues out of my control, I agreed to the divorce. Tough spot to be in, but my experiance was devastating. Two weeks prior to my husband calling me and asking for the divorce, my father had passed away. One week before his passing, I moved into my new apartment. (Can anyone say “crazy making”)
I went through the motions of life and finally decided to allow MYSELF power instead of letting the circumstances have the power.
I understand Elizabeth how you could say: “I seem to have painted myself into a corner”, but I see things in a very different light. I look at all the beauty God has created and see His Power and Might in all He has done and continues to do, and believe that we too can draw on His creativity, His power and His might. I once said when my father passed, why is it that when you lose someone, it takes your breath away? I believe now the Lord was teaching me a very important lesson. When He created man, He breathed life into him. When we lose someone, I believe The Holy Spirit quickens in us, and therefore we yearn, in great depth, the lose.
With each and every breath we take, God’s work is being done. All we have to do is follow and “draw in” our wonderful Lord and Savior! All of who He is, is dwelling IN US!!
God Bless,
Lorrie